Love Your (Human) Race

#137, March 3, 2004

 

I know someone who says every marriage should be a gay marriage. Sadly, too many marriages are grim affairs. Partner beats partner, partner cheats partner, a family’s torn apart in a nasty divorce.

 

Oh, sorry, you might have thought when I wrote “gay” meant “same-sex.” Not necessarily. My someone was thinking of the original meaning, as Miriam-Webster Online defines it, “keenly alive and exuberant.”

 

M-w.com defines marriage as “the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.” See, say the fundamentalists, it’s *opposite* sex. But wait… it also says, “the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage.”

 

My someone and I are puzzled by the debate over marriage and civil union. She hears same-sex marriage advocates claiming that civil union is distinct from marriage; that it is therefore separate not equal, relegating homosexuals to second-class status, furthering homophobia and socio-economic discrimination. William J. Murray, chairman of the Religious Freedom Coalition, claims that establishing a second class of marriage allows anyone (including hetero seniors and college students) to exploit the financial benefits of civil union without the moral commitment of marriage. His conclusion: civil unions are “a danger to society.” No doubt Mr. Murray frowns on gay marriages, as well. Where does that leave the homosexual couple?

 

Here’s a clue: A few weeks ago, I opened my front door one Saturday morning to find, on my doormat, a ziplock bag containing three sheets of white paper. On top was a portrait of a lovely young woman, fair of skin and hair, the epitome of innocent female Aryan beauty. Above her delicate profile was the bold headline: “LOVE YOUR RACE.” Page two called for an end to US aid for Israel.  Page three was full of statistics arguing that non-white Americans were disproportionately responsible for crime, the clear implication being that racial inferiority, not racism, is the cause. Under two photos of black men, presented as murder/r*pe suspects, it read, “When you’ve had enough of ‘diversity’, contact us.”

 

Page three didn’t tell you what kind of solution its authors offer. What’s frightening is that people expressing similar sentiments in the past have called for a “final solution.”  Intolerance doesn’t necessarily have to reach that extreme, but it’s a force not easily controlled. The slippery slope leads to hate crime and genocide.

 

Back to marriage. In expressing intolerance for anything but hetero marriage, Christian fundamentalists invoke Biblical scripture. But why should we limit Biblical rules of marriage to gender? Why not apply Deuteronomy 22: 13-21: if a man can prove that his new wife falsely claimed she a virgin, the townsmen shall stone her to death (see bible.gospelcom.net). And why not punish adultery by death as well, per Deuteronomy 22: 22? And what possible excuse is there for divorce?

 

The answer to this selective interpretation can be found in the New Testament, 1 John 4: 7-21, in a section of scripture that is literally full of love -- the word “love” or “loved” is used 27 times. Verse 18 brings it into sharp focus: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.”

 

Fear... There’s the culprit. Fear is the lowest common denominator to racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, and all the other expressions of pathological intolerance. Fear is a powerful but malignant motivator. And love… isn’t love really the foundation and essence of marriage?  And isn’t it ironic that love is also the force that will melt away fear of homosexuals and their desire for lifetime bonding? Isn’t it perfect love, not love limited by skin pigmentation, but love for the whole *human* race, which will deliver us from war and violence?

 

Now let’s get practical. One of the keys to a successful marriage of any kind can also bridge the gap between supporters and opponents of same-sex marriage. It’s called “compassionate listening”, which has its roots in the Golden Rule, and involves a healthy measure of forgiveness. You can read more about it at compassionatelistening.org.