I know
someone who says every marriage should be a gay marriage. Sadly, too many
marriages are grim affairs. Partner beats partner, partner cheats partner, a
family’s torn apart in a nasty divorce.
Oh, sorry,
you might have thought when I wrote “gay” meant “same-sex.” Not necessarily. My
someone was thinking of the original meaning, as Miriam-Webster Online defines
it, “keenly alive and exuberant.”
M-w.com
defines marriage as “the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex
as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by
law.” See, say the fundamentalists, it’s *opposite* sex. But wait… it also
says, “the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship
like that of a traditional marriage.”
My someone
and I are puzzled by the debate over marriage and civil union. She hears
same-sex marriage advocates claiming that civil union is distinct from
marriage; that it is therefore separate not equal, relegating homosexuals to
second-class status, furthering homophobia and socio-economic discrimination.
William J. Murray, chairman of the Religious Freedom Coalition, claims that
establishing a second class of marriage allows anyone (including hetero seniors
and college students) to exploit the financial benefits of civil union without
the moral commitment of marriage. His conclusion: civil unions are “a danger to
society.” No doubt Mr. Murray frowns on gay marriages, as well. Where does that
leave the homosexual couple?
Here’s a
clue: A few weeks ago, I opened my front door one Saturday morning to find, on
my doormat, a ziplock bag containing three sheets of white paper. On top was a
portrait of a lovely young woman, fair of skin and hair, the epitome of
innocent female Aryan beauty. Above her delicate profile was the bold headline:
“LOVE YOUR RACE.” Page two called for an end to US aid for Israel. Page three was full of statistics arguing
that non-white Americans were disproportionately responsible for crime, the
clear implication being that racial inferiority, not racism, is the cause. Under
two photos of black men, presented as murder/r*pe suspects, it read, “When
you’ve had enough of ‘diversity’, contact us.”
Page three
didn’t tell you what kind of solution its authors offer. What’s frightening is
that people expressing similar sentiments in the past have called for a “final
solution.” Intolerance doesn’t
necessarily have to reach that extreme, but it’s a force not easily controlled.
The slippery slope leads to hate crime and genocide.
Back to
marriage. In expressing intolerance for anything but hetero marriage, Christian
fundamentalists invoke Biblical scripture. But why should we limit Biblical
rules of marriage to gender? Why not apply Deuteronomy 22: 13-21: if a man can
prove that his new wife falsely claimed she a virgin, the townsmen shall stone
her to death (see bible.gospelcom.net). And why not punish adultery by death as
well, per Deuteronomy 22: 22? And what possible excuse is there for divorce?
The answer
to this selective interpretation can be found in the New Testament, 1 John 4:
7-21, in a section of scripture that is literally full of love -- the word
“love” or “loved” is used 27 times. Verse 18 brings it into sharp focus: “There
is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.”
Fear...
There’s the culprit. Fear is the lowest common denominator to racism,
anti-Semitism, homophobia, and all the other expressions of pathological
intolerance. Fear is a powerful but malignant motivator. And love… isn’t love
really the foundation and essence of marriage?
And isn’t it ironic that love is also the force that will melt away fear
of homosexuals and their desire for lifetime bonding? Isn’t it perfect love, not
love limited by skin pigmentation, but love for the whole *human* race, which
will deliver us from war and violence?
Now let’s
get practical. One of the keys to a successful marriage of any kind can also
bridge the gap between supporters and opponents of same-sex marriage. It’s
called “compassionate listening”, which has its roots in the Golden Rule, and
involves a healthy measure of forgiveness. You can read more about it at
compassionatelistening.org.